Poem I wrote today

Family Planning

The child I shall not conceive is with me,
a small, dark, secret stone
in a corner of my heart.

I am one of the lucky ones. I have children;
two bright, strong, eager daughters.
Their lives shine into the future:
anyone would be proud of daughters like these.

And yet: the sand-grain flow is slowing now, for me.
Will there not be another milky mouth that needs me?
No more squinting eyes,
sliding unfocussed across the supermarket lights,
seeing everything and nothing?
That time is past. No-one now asks if we will have another child.

But the third child, the child we didn't have,
is a hidden longing
a deep regret
that I will always carry.